Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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