No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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