did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
