it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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