Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
