I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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