dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
