Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
