I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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