he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
