found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
