hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
