p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
