Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
