My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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