I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize