I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
