At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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