I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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