woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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