capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
