so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
