So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
