Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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