An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
