I seem to have left my pride at pride
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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