Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
