Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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