i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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