now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
