Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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