I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
