We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Say something about gay babies.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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