Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
