I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
