Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
