omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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