That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
