New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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