Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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