when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
