Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
