But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
