I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i out mim tonsoeep
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
