walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
