Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
