Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
