god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
