He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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