Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
