im holly from the hills drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
