Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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