Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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