So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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