he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
