did you get engaged???
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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