I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
