Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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