after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
