i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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