I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He felt like a one man threesome
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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