the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
