I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
