Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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