So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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