There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
