Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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