worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
