dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
