420 ftw
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
