I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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